Friday, May 20, 2011


If the apocalypse actually happens tomorrow, you're all welcome to come over to my house for a post-apocalyptic brunch, say around 11 AM. (Assuming you can navigate the zombie hordes that I assume will be running rampant. My french toast is good, but you won't be able to fully appreciate it if you're suffering from a zombie bite, so please take appropriate precautions.)

We should establish a password though, so my boyfriend knows to not bash you in the head with his home-defense weapon of choice (a baseball bat) when you try to enter the premises. Preferably something that strikes fear into the hearts of our enemies at the same time. You know, something like, "SPOON!!" Yeah, let's go with that.

Besides gorging ourselves on the last remaining bacon resources (after all, we have to eat them quickly while they're still good) and the multiple bottles of Asti (my favorite faux champagne) that I've been hoarding in my fridge (let's pretend I was hoarding it for the apocalypse, and not just because I'm crazy), I suppose we can also have a strategy session to evaluate our resources and decide on a course of action.

It would probably help if you all make lists of your viable skill sets ahead of time. For example: I can cook (over an open fire), crochet and sew, shoot a bow and arrows and a gun (of course, I don't have either), and read. (No clue how that last one is going to help, but it's my primary skill in life, so I couldn't not list it. Right?)

Excellent. Now that we've settled our post-apocalyptic brunch plans, I have to go decide what to do with my last night of civilization. Do I stay home and watch the last night of television ever? (I assume electricity will be one of the first casualties of the end of the world.) Or do I go out and enjoy the last night of free roaming and socialization? (I assume once the zombies are running around chomping on people our ability to wander aimlessly will be severely limited. Plus, it's hard to have an intellectual conversation with someone who is trying to eat your brains.)

Decisions, decisions...

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